How NOT to respond to a want ad!

My company right now is going through a hiring phase, and we're booking up an entire week for interviews. It pities me to look at résumés and listen to people on the phone and having to put them in the "NO" pile for ridiculous reasons. Does any of this look like you? If so, you seriously need to rethink your strategy.

Put your name on your résumé.
Sadly, I have to say this for a reason.

Check your cover letter and résumé for spelling and grammar errors.
The same person whose résumé didn't have his name also loaded his cover letter with past-tense verbs that didn't end in "ed:" "I am very interest in the position..." "As request, I have enclose..." I once saw a résumé from an assistant editor candidate who not only wanted a $60,000 salary (assistant editors make about $23,000...heck, I have the power to fire people and I don't even make nearly that much!), but also listed a "Salad History" on her résumé. I'm pretty sure she meant "Salary History."

When replying to a Craig's List want ad, read the whole thing, right up to the point where the next ad begins!
The positions we have open are part-time. It clearly says that in the Craig's List ad. It says that in Craig's List's automatically-added stuff -- "This is a PART-TIME job," "No phone calls about this job," etc. Yet when we call applicants, it's clear they didn't read that part, and are shocked that they're not applying for full-time work.

Provide an active phone number.
If I had a dollar for every time I called a number on an applicant's number and got an automated "disconnected" message or a message saying that the customer is not accepting calls at the time, I'd be rich. These folks automatically go in the "no" pile. If you can't answer the phone, at least let people leave a message for you!

Do not use "LOL" in your cover letter.
Yes, there is a reason I have to say this. And yes, that applicant's paperwork went to the great filing cabinet in the sky. Don't get me wrong, I work for one of the most laid-back companies in the planet (indeed, when I was interviewed for my job, my boss interviewed me while wearing a t-shirt, denim shorts and sandals), but even we're professional enough to find colloquial computerese inappropriate for business communication!

Unless specifically requested, do not provide a URL for your blog or personal web site.
I don't care how strongly you feel your site or blog is good, useful, or creative, your potential employer will wholeheartedly disagree with you. If you don't believe me, I'll be happy to provide links proving my theory true. And for God's sake, if you must provide such a site or blog, make absolutely sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it doesn't make you come across as a terrorist, racist, or pedophile.

Having a car is not a skill.
And no, you can't even use the argument that with today's economy and gas prices, you have to be pretty skilled to be able to own a car, pay for it, insure it, fuel it, etc., because the résumé in question is from 2005.

Mentioning proficiency in myspace.com is a sure-fire way to not even get an interview.
In otherwords...most companies aren't willing to hire 12-year-olds.

Jesus may save, but he won't get you a job.
Unless you're specifically applying for a position with a company that's very religiously focused, talking about Jesus too much during your interview, audition, etc. will make you come across as scary, and you probably won't get the job. Yes, it's okay to be religious, but a job interview is not the time to preach. (Indeed, we've hired many people who are very active in the church and are devoutly Christian, and we've also hired many atheists. Save your preaching for social times!)

I fear that I may have to add a lot more to this list. Nay...I dread that I'll have to add more before long.