You're FIRED!...uhh...I think...

Did you ever have to fire someone, only to fail?

I have.

I don't know why I thought of this now, but a few years ago I actually tried to fire someone. Unsuccessfully.

Where I was working at the time, I was in charge of staffing test proctors for practice tests. We had one that was constantly screwing up. I think the last straw was a time when she had to be in Glen Ridge, New Jersey, by 8:45 in the morning. She called me at 9:15 that morning to let me know there weren't any answer sheets and wanted to know what to do. Thing is...I would always make sure the proctors had their materials well in advance so that they could check and make sure that we included everything, and if they didn't, we'd still have ample time to make enough arrangements. This proctor obviously didn't do that. Also, I found out she was late getting to the site. Why was she late? Because she got lost when she left her home in Jersey City and headed east on I-80 instead of west.

Now...mind you that I'm not a native of New Jersey, but I do know this much...if you head east out of Jersey City, you'll end up over, under, or in the Hudson River and heading into Lower Manhattan. Think about that.

So I sent her an e-mail telling her she's been making too many careless mistakes and that I would not be allowing her to do any more tests. I even pointed out how everybody knows that if you go ANYWHERE in New Jersey from Jersey City, you can only go west!

Then she sent me an e-mail begging me to let her proctor another test. The test she was referring to was one where we were expecting so many students that we needed multiple proctors. I thought about it, and realized that if I give the materials to one of the other proctors, then even if the incompetent proctor were late, the materials would already be there, and the other proctors can at least get the students started with the test. My boss told me that in this situation, we can go ahead and give her another chance.

Rats. The one time I tried to fire somebody, and it failed.

Oh well. I know I'll get the opportunity again. There will always be incompetence in the world.

What's the deal with Hyde Park?

It's weird. It seems that every major city has a Hyde Park neighborhood near it or in it.

Chicago has a Hyde Park on the South Side.

Los Angeles has a Hyde Park.

London, of course, has a Hyde Park.

There's a Hyde Park outside of New York City, I believe on Long Island.

Cleveland, Ohio has a Hyde Park.

For God's sake, there's even a Hyde Park in Cincinnati.

Just an observation. I guess there's a law that if you found a big city, you have to name one of the neighborhoods Hyde Park, or at least make a pact with a neighboring city that that city be named Hyde Park.

No, I did NOT visit your site, and I do NOT want to start a business.

I can't believe it. Spam is getting so personalized now that I got one that actually addressed me by name, said that she enjoyed my blog and mentioned it by name and added that the title of it kind of reflects her life right now, and that I visited her web site a week or so ago.

1) Part of me wonders if it's just a coincidence and a machine is still just name-dropping by way of mail merge, SQL, or any other automated technique.

2) If my theory is incorrect and living people are really reading this, let this be known to all who read my blog: I DID NOT VISIT YOUR PISS-ANT LITTLE WEB SITE AND ASK FOR MORE INFORMATION, unless you're the Chicago Transit Authority explaining why the subway turnstile wouldn't let me through but when I scanned my transit card a second time suddenly I was given four transfers. If you e-mail me claiming that you read my blog and tell me that I visited your stupid web site and asked for more information on starting a stupid business, your e-mail will go straight to Knujon, who will work to shut your stupid server down.

Whaddya think of that?

Or since the e-mail was untruthful, could this count as mail fraud? And I could have you prosecuted, just like I'm going to do to Doc Watters of Denver, who somehow got my snail mail address and mailed me a pyramid scheme?

Oh, the things I would love to do, but it's illegal and probably against every religion, so I can't. Oh well.

The official web site!

I found out that I'm allowed up to three domains with my hosting plan; one's already in use, so I had two more I could futz with. All I had to worry about was paying the registration fee. Neato!

So now, I can bring you the official Scattered Frog web site:

www.scatteredfrog.com

There's, uhmmm...nothing there right now, other than a tiled background image of a plastic frog I bought in Bermuda, but...well...it does look pretty scattered!

Last night I dreamt that I had just opened a Scattered Frog store as a companion to the so-far nonexistent Scattered Frog projects. (they're in progress, though!) I remember standing behind the counter wondering just what the hell I opened the store for because I had nothing to sell except some random crap I've been meaning to sell on eBay, and how I was going to pay the rent. I did have a very supportive staff, though, who assured me that everything would be okay. Even my wife told me I could keep my day job and work at the store four or five hours a week for some extra money. Of course, I'd be paying myself, so I have no idea how that was supposed to work.

Oh well...but at least 1) I woke up and didn't have to worry about canceling the lease on the store, and 2) now that Scattered Frog has an official web site, I can do what I've wanted to do for a long time: put up a "Contact Us" link that actually says "Cactus." If you look at "Contact Us" really quickly, it does look like "Cactus"! Plus, the word "cactus" is funny.

Hide Go Seek: Beach Boys Easter Eggs

This is eventually going to be part of my re-constructed Brian Wilson fan site. I will regularly update this blog entry, so if you like it, I recommend you bookmark it.

Some years ago, somebody posted a message either on one of the mailing lists I'm on or on one of the Usenet newsgroups asking if there are any Beach Boys "Easter eggs" -- that is, hidden surprises in various media. Nobody replied, probably because nobody could think of anything to say, but I've had several years to think, and there really are a lot.

This list will be arranged roughly chronologically by album release date, with various non-album tracks et al. arranged roughly according to where they fall in terms of recording date. Solo projects are included as well. Please note that some of these are genuine Easter eggs, planted by various people involved with the project being mentioned, while others are accidental coincidences.

Check back often -- this will be updated quite a bit! I certainly welcome additions and corrections; feel free to leave a comment.

Last updated: October 2, 2008

Louie, Louie
During the instrumental break, there is some panicked-sounding discussion going on. To hear it in full, play the stereo mix through a karaoke filter or apply out-of-phase stereo to the track.

Glen Campbell -- "Guess I'm Dumb"
At the beginning of the fade-out, you'll hear this compliment from the song's famous composer/producer: "That was outta sight!"

Pet Sounds
There was an article about Brian Wilson on a French web site once. At one point, there was a discussion about Brian's most renowned work. However, when the article was run through Babelfish, some fans wondered whether the album referred to might have been The Beach Boys Love You. Why? Well, go to babelfish.altavista.com, set the translation to French-to-English, enter "Pet Sounds" into the text box, and click the translate button for a little surprise!

I Just Wasn't Made For These Times
Everybody by now knows about the Spanish background lyrics. What many people have noticed is that on the mono mix, there's a strange noise during the very beginning of the sound, almost like sheet metal being rattled. The sound is actually a tape rewinding.

With Me Tonight
Many fans have noticed a strange voice or grunt during the beginning of the song. Bootleg recordings reveal that the voice is actually Chuck Britz, from the control room talkback, saying, "Good."

I Can Hear Music
Listen closely to the a capella break, and you'll notice that Mike's bass part consists of the words "do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do," but not sung as a scale.

At My Window
Many fans have wondered what that weird Spanish or Portuguese thing is that Brian says after the first verse. It's actually very poorly-pronounced French: "Le moineau est venu se poser à ma fenêtre," which means roughly, "The sparrow came to sit at my window."

Surf's Up (Beach Boys version)
On most releases of the song, one can hear a lot of background noises during the second half of the song, especially in the left stereo channel. While it's unknown what the sounds and voices are doing and saying, it's pretty much agreed that it's the result of a poorly-erased and reused tape.

The Beach Boys In Concert
If you have access to an original pressing, look at the dead wax near the record label for a greeting addressed to Brian Wilson.

Had To Phone Ya
The melody on the lines, "I visualize that you're looking fine. It feels so good when you come on the line," is directly borrowed from the end of every verse of "Guess I'm Dumb."

That Same Song
Okay, so this is a bit of an obscure Easter egg, as it's from the 1976 NBC TV special the Beach Boys had. During the scene in which the Boys sing this song with the Double Rock Baptist Choir, you may notice a quick shot of Billy Hinsche in the choir, complete with choir robe. No, Billy wasn't a member of the choir, but according to an e-mail he sent to a fan, he stood in with the choir as a joke in hopes that friends would notice during the airing of the show.

M.I.U. Album and Ten Years of Harmony
Fans who bought the Caribou reissues of these albums in the early '90s were treated to (or tortured with, depending on how much you like or loathe the 1978 tracks!) some unintentional new versions of "Come Go With Me," "Winds Of Change," and "Peggy Sue" when incorrect mixes were accidentally substituted. Similarly, album versions of "Rock and Roll Music" and "California" were substituted on TYoH, meaning that fans didn't get the alternate single mixes that were present on the original 1981 release of the album.

Good Vibrations: 30 Years Of The Beach Boys
If you let disc 1 play until the CD player actually stops, you'll hear a surprise at-home tribute to The Four Freshman recorded by Brian Wilson as a youth.

Ooh Child (Wondermints)
Okay, so it's not a song performed by the Beach Boys, but there is a Beach Boys Easter egg in this cover on Wonderful World of Wondermints: the "God Only Knows" French horn intro riff appears several times.

Fun, Fun, Fun
When Brian Wilson performs this song at solo concerts, during the climactic ending, Scott Bennett plays part of "Rhapsody In Blue" on the vibes.

Brian Wilson -- Live At The Roxy Theater
Listen for a fan yelling for "Honkin' Down The Highway" before the band starts "Love and Mercy."

Brian Wilson -- Smile
Although it's never been officially confirmed, rumor has it that there are elements to the Smile package that pay homage to bootleggers who have kept the Smile dream alive. The pirate-themed lyrics in "On A Holiday" supposedly represent the "pirates" who had spread the music. The CD packaging itself is highly reminiscent of bootleg packages put out by the defunct Vigotone label, whose Smile bootleg was considered one of the best: a jewel case with very sparse, no-frills labeling (just a single-leaf front card and a basic U-card on the back), a high-quality slip-case, and a CD-sized booklet with exhaustive liners.

Brian Wilson -- "I Wanna Be Around"
After Brian sings the opening line, Nelson Bragg says, "He wants to be around," through a megaphone.

Brian Wilson -- That Lucky Old Sun
Many of the tracks on the new album are recycled from older songs, some released and some unreleased, most notably "Morning Beat," which borrows from the unreleased mid-'70s Beach Boys song "Clangin'." For more information, check out this thread on the smileysmile.net discussion board.