Things I Hate When People Say

behoove -- I just plain hate this word. No reason. I don't know why I hate it; I just do.

Chicagoland area -- "Chicagoland" indicates the Chicago area!

comfterble -- The word is "comfortable." Let's break it down: com for ta ble. Four syllables. How the hell do you get "comfterble" from this??? Especially because the word is spelled with the R before the T?!

diction -- It's not so much that I hate when people use the word "diction." I hate it when people use it but don't know what it means. Diction has nothing to do with the way someone talks, i.e. "he has good diction." Diction means "word choice." The word you probably want to use is "enunciation."

flight deck -- I don't mind this term, really, but I really hate it when a pilot actually says it. It's much more than just a euphemism for "cockpit," my friends; there's a difference. If the pilot makes an announcement and says it's from the "cockpit," the announcement will just be a standard update with weather conditions, ETA, etc. But if the announcement begins "From the flight deck..." then it means that your flight is going to be severely delayed.

forté -- It really grinds my gears when people say "forté" when they really mean "forte" (pronounced like Fort Bragg, Fort Monmouth, Fort Lee, Fort Gordon, etc.). "Forte" -- one syllable -- is the French word meaning "strength." "Forté" is an Italian musical term meaning "loud."

Good Samaritan -- Anybody who's been to Catholic school can tell you what's wrong with this phrase. Basically, a Samaritan was an outcast from Samaria; Samaritans were to be hated. So basically, "good Samaritan" roughly means "nice asshole," which is a phrase that I believe would make news stories quite interesting. "A nice asshole today stopped and helped a damsel in distress..." Think twice before you use the mistakenly well-intentioned phrase "good Samaritan."

kitty-corner -- Look, the word is "catercorner." It's not "kitty-corner" or "katty-corner." It's "catercorner."

Moore, Demi -- I'm not a fan of the actress, but listen, folks: her name is not "Demmy." It's "Demi." d@ MEE. (I don't know how to type a schwa, so pretend the at-sign is a schwa!)

route -- I have no problem with the word "route," but with people who pronounce it "root" and are supposedly speaking English. Listen, people, in the English language, it's pronounced "rowt." Is that thing that splits your Internet connection a "rooter"? No! It's a router! Ergo, Interstate 80 is ROUTE 80, not ROOT 80! Is that thing you live in a "hoos"? What about that little rodent in your HOUSE that you're trying to get rid of -- is it a "moos"? No!

666 -- Another thing going back to my Catholic school roots, it bugs me that people automatically associate "666" with Satan. When St. John authored Revelation, the number "666" was one of the many witty remarks made not just in the book of Revelation but throughout the Bible. When John referred to "the beast" and that "his number is six hundred threescore and six," he was actually referring to Emperor Nero. Back in Nero's day, letters all had numeric value -- which is one reason that we have a thing called "Roman numbers" (X for 10, C for 100, etc.). The numerical value in Nero's name happened to add up to 666, so St. John took advantage of that fact for a sly verbal attack on the hated emperor.

"The time is now 9:30" -- or whatever time it is that's close to your closing time. Uhhh, chicky-baby, the verb "is" means "now"! So drop the "now"!